A LIfe Once Lost – Rehashed

My head rests on my shoulders facing the sun

I struggle to walk

The burden of this guilt I hide from you is growing

You’ll never know what it is

This is the kind of person that I am

This is the kind of person I’ve turned into

In time of song I am the Kamikaze dreamer

Clog my own throat; swallowed by color tortured slumber

It becomes harder to breathe or think clearly

Remorse Instigates an overkill of self loathing the older I get

So I’ll rest my dead beat tongue, You’ll dismiss me anyway

>> Needleman

What happens here stays here, right?

This is nothing but a miserable lesson learned

What we share together will not end up streaming through someone else’s lips

I must fight with shadows in my own defense and worst of all, their names I do not know

Tell me do I disgust you?

Tell me do I amuse you?

Tell me which is it?

I fit their image so perfectly and it is making them sick

Is this disgust?

Is it disgust or amusement?

That catches you attention; that draws them near

Is it disgust or amusement?

Disgust or amusement; Which is it?

>> Vulture

I need a miracle to conquer this endeavor

The imagery of song to portray the routine of life

Maybe I’m neurotic or just wrong in general

Maybe I should concede and put out the fire

Can you feel this uproar festering desire in my thoughts?

I can promise you one thing; I will haunt you till you die

I can promise you one thing; I will hunt you till you die

In absence of your favor I would rather choose death

I’d prefer it would be executed only by you

No legacy, fall short of understanding

Maybe I should concede and put out the fire

I want you to bleed me of my misery

Drained bled dry; hung up for all to see

>> Pain & Panic

Tonight you are going to suffer and I will be the last glimpse of anything you see

Is pain real?

Do you believe in pain?

I want to walk away but I sit and watch you slowly fall in and out of consciousness

The pain

The panic

Grab your chest, feel your heart wanting to break through

The throbbing grows and turns into a steady pound

This is real; Fear is real

Do you believe in fear?

The leisure of my scolding action happens to leave a staggered expression on your bloated face

The impact leaves a scar

Can you smell the concern; This rancid scent of horror

I am always amazed how little I know you

>> Hunter

This is when panic and shock are given out in doses

There is nothing to admire

Absent from this present anxiety is liberation

Malice now exists inside my head

Crush and rebuild

Destroy and organize

I stand above looking down on this devastation

Words form blindly to express my feelings

And these hands work to gather what is lost

Anxious thoughts

Torment now exists inside my head

>> Grotesque

These words collapse your confidence

Your destructive existence is nauseating

Fake, with no self esteem; you’re nothing

You change with manic uncertainty

Now I will be the master

Now I will choose my boatswain

I push myself in and out of relationships

But I don’t know you

I push myself in and out of control

But I don’t own you

Exactly how should I stand here, waiting for you to finally answer

As you verbally bash me

>> Salai

“If you are alone, you will be your own man”

>> A Rush & Siege

I can’t understand what I do wrong half the time

My judgement is blurred from this last year of defeat

I never once acted like this before I met you

Now I’m a simplified sensation

I’m nothing; a laughing stock to some

I’m sorry for my vicious decline into this bedlam you see before your eyes

I adhere to the progress of my helpless desire to live

My innards are freezing inherently, like winter rain

I’m over infectous regret

>> I Give In

In continue to succumb to mundane hospitality

Fabricating pertinent dinner conversation

Fascinating breath pressing drawls

Asking myself why

Unbelievable isn’t it; the way we twist the words around just to get that quick fix

I swore someday I’d save myself from

Cum dreamt lines forcing faster

And I’ll tease you, tickle your goddamn nod job

Again asking myself why

At last, can I please rest?

Vacate every day after day

>> Ghosting

I am impatient and hard to please

No sense of serenity

Habitual neurosis transcends into thoughts of suicide

And when this body lay lifeless, don’t patronize me by

Insisting this was all done because of you

I am beyond redemption, even in death I will not speak

I am beyond redemption, even in death I will not sleep

With abandonment of trust and self

Hope is void of longevity

A shelter less recluse, I survive without reason

I sacrifice myself to the lonely other, for

She will not rest until death’s arms embrace me